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Different people come with different takes on humor and engineers are no exception. While everyone can enjoy a good joke, there are always a few in-group jokes specifically tailored to a group of people that unfortunately not many other people will get Anyone can build a bridge. It takes an engineer to just barely build a bridge.

JOKES: 1. Actuary talking: “a. There are three kinds of actuaries. one actuary, the engineer was asked “If there was a fire in the I have a hot date tonight. 9.

Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data? I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves. Were your parents engineers? Because you have a nice design. Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion. You have cuter dimples than a cardioid!

My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. Nice set of parabolas! Yes, that is a slide rule in my pocket.

Engineering Humor

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information. This joke may contain profanity. An unemployed piano player walks into a bar He speaks to the owner who says, you’re in luck, we’re looking for a piano player right now! How about you play a couple of songs for me. Happy to!

We’ll promote the 5 jokes and send their authors a gift card, plus a certificate that proves they are a “certifiably funny” engineer.

If you need some engineering humor to brighten up your life, here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from across the internet. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that most people just don’t understand. We joke about things like electricity and programming languages — and nothing could be funnier. If you need some more material or just need to brighten up your day, here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from across the web.

Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket. The engineers have one between them. The conductor knocks on the door of the lavatory and says “Ticket, please. At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. The mathematicians think this looks like a good trick and decide to try it on the train ride back home.

As the mathematicians board the train they have one ticket between them. The engineers have no ticket! After a while, one of the engineers says, “Here comes the conductor!

Engineer dating jokes

Those two argue back and forth for a little while until, finally, they ask the engineer to break the tie. Which is better, a wife, or a mistress? Go take a look at the science quotes or the key to scientific research literature. Other relevant pages or forgotten links: If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met.

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Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it’s a big deal or something. Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: “It’s technically possible but it will cost too much. That’s why it’s a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can’t handle the truth. Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them.

The complete list of engineer lies is listed below. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, “How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash? A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

37 Hilarious Jokes Only For Engineers

Our model, which art in nowhere. Guessing be thy name. Thy assumptions come, Thy will be done in future as it was in the past. Give us this day our premium rates, and forgive us our lousy estimates, as we forgive those who supply us with crappy data.

most engineer jokes are either how stupid they can be or how do they maintenance form last week and wrote the wrong date (15th instead of.

Join Engineers Looking For Stuff. Sign Up Sign In. Fun Stuff. Admin Great and totally not so great engineering jokes Posted by Richard Savoie on July 25, at am. Feel free to add your own! Birth control What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities. On getting there, he notice dat things wasn’t comfortable for him.

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Engineering Memes and Jokes that find the humor in the otherwise miserable lives of an engineering student and engineers at large. 5. Girls? Who? (This is our favorite engineering meme till date). Engineering Memes. 6.

Do you want Weekly Jokes sent to your inbox? What’s your favorite science joke? Order the shirt here. You can purchase the shirt here. Photo Credit: Teepublic. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty.

Unemployed Jokes

Youngest Daughter is a mechanical engineering major. FYI, not a whole lot of girls in that major. It just so happens that three of them including my daughter are all living together this year, thus cornering the market on 5th year female mechanical engineering majors all in one apartment! Youngest posted something she found on a blog site called Pocket Protector and Heels.

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Science Jokes

View Full Version : Engineer jokes. The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table. Also a cute video with cats.

Two engineers were on a date at a swimming pool. They are sitting on the end of a diving board when the guy says to the girl, “I think we’re.

Thanks to the ones who thought of them first. A group of managers were given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. The Aviation Department had a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The theory was that if the windshield does not crack from the impact of the chicken, it will survive a real collision with a bird during flight.

The Railroad Department heard of this device and decided to use it for testing a windshield on a locomotive they were developing. So the Railroad Department borrowed the device, loaded a chicken and fired at the windshield of the locomotive.

The Lighten Side: Engineering Jokes